Love is a four-legged word

As Ben and I leave for Myrtle Beach tomorrow, I get sad about leaving Corky behind. Even though it's only a week, it will feel like forever to be away from him. This morning, I woke up soooo early because I'm anxious about the trip. I rolled over in bed and realized Corky was snuggling with me. Those are the hardest days to get out of bed because I love that close time with him. Luckily today I could lie in bed as long as I wanted and pet him. Normally he sleeps at the foot of the bed but occasionally, I'll wake up to him resting his head on my stomach or curled up on my side. My little mister is getting older but still pretty playful. He is slowing down and sleeping more. However, it's always a fun time when I get home from work...he hears the garage door open and stands as close to the door inside as possible. I always have to be careful when coming in so I don't smack him in the head with the door. He runs over to the chair, as if to race me...he jumps up on it to get closer to my face and when I get to the chair and put my stuff down, he jumps up on me and kisses me. Then he jumps down and runs all around. After we say our hellos I go upstairs to change and he always races me to the top of the stairs and waits patiently for me to open the bedroom door so he can run and jump on the bed...all the while his tail wagging ferociously. We have had Corky for about five years, making him almost 10. In those five years, he has taught me so many things about life and love. I saw the following quotes and it reminded me of everything Corky stands for...

"Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like when loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy-ride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you’re not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently."

I'm thankful for...

I'm thankful for...

pink tulips, daisies and underwear
chocolate cake, pumpkin pie and protein shakes
Sea shells, the ocean and pedicures
Teenagers, Tylenol and oil changes
Ben, Corky and BFFs
Tivo, shopping and contact lenses
Music, candles and bubble baths
Cameras, faith and family.
Exercise, hair dye and toilet paper.

Without each of these things, my life would be dull, full of headaches and gray hair.

True testimony of being tired.

I have been feeling so tired lately that it's hard to describe...but it affects me in significant ways. I've been tired before but this is different. This literally feels like I'm going to die-I have no energy and my head feels too heavy to hold up. It's as though I'm suddenly aware of all the bones in my body and each one feels like they weigh a few pounds. I usually do well in the mornings but struggle in the afternoons, usually after I've eaten lunch. So tonight I found this somewhat exaggerated yet true portrayal of what is called "Toxic Fatigue" in an online article about Lupus and wanted to share it with you.

THE TOXIC FATIGUE OF LUPUS

BY GLORIA ROSENTHAL

Almost all lupus patients have heard the phrase "But you don't look sick" and we cringe inside, knowing the speaker's words do not convey the speaker's true meaning: "You can't be so sick if you look so well".

The fatigue that comes with lupus elicits the same reaction. Try to explain the feeling to a friend and the response is often "I get tired, too". I want to pounce on those words and say "tired? You get tired? I want to screech that the fatigue that comes with lupus is as unrelated to a "tired" feeling as a hang nail is to a broken arm. Calling toxic fatigue a tired feeling is like saying a major flood is a minor trickle of water.

So let's talk, first about what lupus fatigue is NOT. It is not a tired feeling. It's not a "want to take a nap" feeling. It's not a "lazy day, think I'll take it easy" feeling. It's not a "wish I didn't have to do this" feeling. What it is: is a full-body exhaustion that makes you feel as if you have no bones, that if you didn't have skin wrapped around your body, you would melt down into nothingness like the Wicked Witch of the West. Or that you are a melting candle, except a candle has a wick and there is nothing in your body that feels that solid. On the other hand, your bones can feel so heavy that lifting your arms to wash your hair in the shower is a chore akin to a weightlifter hefting a 200 pound barbell. His task is easier, though, because as soon as he puts the barbell down, he's through. But after you've soaped your hair, you have to rinse it. That means those bone-weary, heavy arms must be raised again and after the shower, these "barbells" must be toted around all day long for they cannot be discarded like the weight-lifters toys.

Eating too, is an exhausting habit, especially restaurant dining. There must be something in the atmosphere and a three course meal that makes the lupus body say. "Hey hold on there, why are you lifting a fork so many times?" or "You broke off one piece of roll and now you want to exert that physical activity again for another piece?"

The toxic fatigue of lupus also forces you to make major decisions. Will you make yourself a cup of tea, which means dunking that heavy teabag, or settle for a glass of water - and how many ice cubes can you use without making the glass too heavy?

Am I exaggerating? Of course, but just enough to get a point across, a point that the fatigue that accompanies lupus is not like any other feeling. It is indescribable, but I know that as these words are read by my fellow lupoids, heads will bob up and down in instant recognition, though that frantic activity (head bobbing) will create yet another bout of exhaustion.

Change of plans

So-I had to reschedule my MRI. It was originally scheduled for this Thursday. That didn't work out so well and is now rescheduled for December 11th. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay I get to put it off for another month :) I am really happy about that.


XOXO

Big Birthday Bash...

This weekend was our friend Eddie's birthday. It was such a fun time-it's been a long time since I've laughed so hard!!! Eddie and the kids decided to pass out early but we kept the party going on without them. Gillian is amazing at foosball and has been trying to teach me...my hand/eye coordination leaves a lot to be desired. Maybe that's what I get for never playing video games with Ben...but I'm getting better at foosball the more I play. I love weekends like this!!

My brain...oh how it makes me insane!

I went to the neurologist today. When I first met him, my first thought was "great...I've got a NERD for a doctor!!!" However, after I spent an hour with him, I realized why I was referred to him. He is so nice and thorough! So the 411 is that I need an MRI, which is scheduled for next Thursday. This test will tell us what's going on in my brain and neck. I'm a little nervous about the procedure because I'll be in the tube for 80 minutes (there are two tests). As far as I know, I have to hold REALLY still. I have a history of laughing when I'm supposed to hold really still or be really quiet...so it will be interesting to see how this all goes down. That's all for now. I'll let you guys know when I know more.

XOXO